Refined accommodation such as this are usually reserved for oil sheikhs, the nobility and superstars. This time, it's my turn to check in. Used, it's 146.900 Euros only. 24 hours in the premier class.
Mother is concerned. "Oh, Lars," she says. "Think about tomorrow. Buy an apartment so you'll have something of your own." I'm confused. What? An apartment? A two-bedroom apartment in Hamburg costs 150.000 Euros. And that kind of money will also buy me Germany's poshest used car. Here it is: a Rolls-Royce Phantom, first registered in 2006, 33.000 km, 146.900 Euros (asking price). It's a bargain. After all, this English luxury car costs 385.203 Euros new. The purchaser burnt off 238.303 Euros in six years. Loss of value: 62 percent! Mother, I'll take it. I'll move into it.
It's cheap because it comes without a tachometer
Forgot to shave this morning? – No problem in the Rolls. For moneys sake the makeup mirror is lighted, for a pity golden water taps are missing.
My mobile single-room apartment is waiting for me at "Global Car Leasing" in Flensburg, really close by. "Welcome, Mr. Busemann," says manager Michael Kristensen, "I've warmed up the Phantom for you. Please, get in." The noble car is parked between a Ferrari 599, a Bentley Continental GT and a Maserati GranTurismo. Its V12 sings so softly it can hardly be heard. I am overjoyed. Let me take off my shoes. The pile of the lambswool carpet is as high as a Ferrero chocolate bar and so soft that I just have to feel it against my feet. Then I get a little confused. "But Mr Kristensen," I say. "You will retrofit this with a tachometer, right? Every new Panda comes with one, and this car is missing it. I won’t mind if it comes from the scrap heap. My buddies want to see the twelve-piston engine turning towards the red line!" Michael Kristensen nods, a little embarrassed. Off on the test drive. Oops, it has 454 hp ... With squealing tires, I leave the yard. Mr Kristensen gulps.
The carwash of my dreams
The Rolls' manual is as fat as a novel and bound in leather.
The first stop is the car wash. I want to know if my new home is nice and dry. If rainwater drips onto my toes while I'm dreaming in the back seat, I will be awakened uncomfortably. Not going to happen. The Rolls is waterproof and passes the test. In my imagination, I grab a jigsaw: to keep people from looking in when I'm with a lady, I could replace the windowpanes with chipboard and seal them with construction foam and silicone. I'd have to change quite a few things to turn the Phantom into my new address. I recently saw what's possible while camping: outdoor shower, wood furnace, awning. Maybe I could replace the back seat with a king-size bed. I can just see myself on the title page of "Better Living".
No stick shift no speed
To every good household belongs a fitting upscale umbrella. Period.
Even the premium class needs to have their undercarriage inspected before a purchase. Check on the hydraulic ramp. The relationship between the Brits and the Bavarians becomes rather obvious when viewed from below: One thing becomes clear when inspecting the undercarriage: the BMW logo graces many chassis parts. Mass production in a royal vehicle. That's good. If anything breaks, I can replace it easily from a junkyard. My buddy Max calls me. He asks about the Rolls and claims that my 460 PS wouldn't stand a chance against his Golf II GTI. Pshaw! Test run at the traffic light. Nothing happens. I'm still switching the automatic transmission lever on the steering column to D when a pizza delivery Smart rushes past me. Oh well, without a tachometer and manual transmission, you just can't compete in drag races. But you can go shopping. The Phantom has lots of space so it's easy for me to provide mom with plenty of Stolzenfels sparkling wine. Well, think again! At 5.83 meters, the Rolls is about as convenient as a dump truck navigating Aldi's parking lot. I park in the delivery zone next to a truck.
This vehicle costs 146.900 Euros meaning that I'd need 150.000 Euros from my bank. I give them a call. "Hi, this is Lars," I say. "Didn't you tell me that real estate credit was really cheap right now? Does the low interest rate also apply to a mobile home?," I want to know. "I'd even rent a lot next to the permanent campers on the camp site." That's when the line goes dead. Well, I guess it's not going to work out. On the way back to the dealer, a police car pulls me over. "Get out of the car, please," says the friendly officer. He wonders why the Rolls has red license plates. That's it. Maybe I'm not Rolls-Royal after all. Maybe Mom is right concerning the apartment. But I want a fluffy carpet in it, at least.